It's almost here!

Sometimes, you just need to be reminded that Spring is just around the corner.

Then, everything else seems doable.

but like a child at home

I've fallen down on the blogging - again! - but I have so much to talk about now!  (The upside to be too busy to blog, I suppose.)

This weekend was my second concert with my choir, and it went off so, so well.  We all felt it, I think, about halfway through the concert, that we were all in this moment together and all feeling the weight and joy and pathos and humor of these songs, and that we had worked so hard to get here, and were so proud!

It was interesting for me to sing for the people who were there to see me.  My mom has obviously been coming to concerts of mine since I was in grade school, but she reminded me that she hadn't seen me sing since I was in a church choir in Arizona, back in 2002.  My best friend from high school was there too, and she has to have sat through a dozen or more of my concerts in the past, but she hadn't heard me sing since college.

I can't believe it had been that long.

I can't believe I didn't have this in my life for so long.

Singing on my own is one thing - it's fun and easy and I can stop for a while when my life gets busy.  But it doesn't have the same overwhelming feeling of belonging that singing in a group brings.  Being part of this group is a real commitment - a hard one, now that I am working full time and also back in school.  But the three hours a week I spend with these people is spiritually transformative, and gives me something I've been missing for a long, long time.  We're not anything other than forty people who happen to enjoy music, but when you put us all together, we are so much more than the sum of our parts.

There will be more concerts in my future, and I hope you'll be able to join me for one of them.  I'm not tooting my own horn here when I say you won't be disappointed.  It's a wonderful group led by a truly gifted and giving music conductor.  (If you want to hear some sample songs by the choir, or join the mailing list in case I get lame and don't email people about a show, visit the Manhattan Choral Ensemble website.)

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In other, much more mundane realizations, I have somehow stopped going to movies.  I love movies, a lot, and some of them have transformed me almost as much as music does.  I don't really have anyone in NYC to go to movies with, and I've fallen out of the habit.  Now that I get student tickets again, I should make that another of my resolutions - a movie a month! - but seeing as the Netflix film I got in December is still on my coffee table?  I'm not holding out much hope.  *sigh*

I do want to see The Hurt Locker, though.  It looks stunning.

Hey, Hey, Hey, It's...

I keep putting things here that I didn't think I'd put here, but this caught my eye today, and it really hit me hard.  Michelle Obama is starting a campaign to fight childhood obesity:

Childhood Schmobesity

These are all laudable goals in and of themselves, but it’s a terrible mistake to pursue them  in the name of getting rid of fat kids. First, numerous studies indicate that, just as with adults, improving children’s nutrition and activity levels is beneficial to their health, but usually produces little or no weight loss (which is all the more reason to focus on health rather than weight). Nor are thin children in any less need of good food and healthy activities than fat ones. Indeed, over the past 20 years, extensive research has demonstrated that, when studies control for factors such as physical activity levels, weight simply ceases to have any meaningful correlation with health. 

Second, a rich literature on stigmatization shows that the health costs of social stigma are high. I don’t believe Michelle Obama wants to stigmatize fat kids, but a campaign dedicated to eliminating them is guaranteed to do so in a profound way.

I'm not a skinny girl.  The last time I was thin, I think I was six.  There are a lot of reasons for it, and a lot of the blame can (and should) be placed on me.  But I was made uncomfortable by news of this latest crusade against fat kids, and this article pinpointed the reason why.

Sure, I'm all for getting kids moving, teaching them nutrition, getting them healthy.  Type 2 Diabetes is up in kids, heart disease still kills more people in this country than we can count, and obesity has been tangentially linked (correlation, not causation) to many health issues.  But healthy may or may not equal thin.  Thin is dangerous, both for the kids who strive to be thin so badly they end up with eating disorders, and for the kids who are healthy kids who might even play soccer on the side and enjoy their veggies, but for whom (for any number of reasons) they will always tip a little heavier on the BMI scale.

Maybe I am carrying years of metaphoric weight from a culture based around looking thinner and thinner, or from school years where I felt marginalized for my size, but seeing the first lady telling chubby kids it's not okay to be what they are makes me sad in a deep, kind of profound way.

Girls day out!

It's sometimes scary to remember that I have a friend who has known me since I was EIGHT and that she will always know me better than most people, no matter what I do to my hair, or how cool I try to pretend to be.  But mostly it's amazing.

Today, she is finally coming to visit me, and she is bringing her amazing, brilliant, hilarious little girl who is now... EIGHT.  This is a weird year for us!

I've never explored NYC with an eight-year-old, but luckily this one comes with plenty of opinions on what she wants to do, and I come with free admission to most museums in town.  Next time, we'll do a show, but this time, we'll just soak it all in.

Maybe we'll catch a movie...

She keeps a light on

Sometimes, music is the cure to what ails you.

I've been sick this week - sicker than I've been in years - but here I sit at my desk, ready to head off to sing (croak?) some beautiful choral music with my group, listening to Matt Morris sing in my headphones.  I am certainly not going to use this blog to post about most of the music and movies I enjoy (though I will say I had a kickass time at the Motion City Soundtrack show last night).  But Matt's music actually makes me feel better, so I thought I'd share this with you all. 

It's a song about staying strong and staying true to who you are and pushing through when the world is against you.  It's gorgeous, and if you ever have a chance to hear him sing it live, I encourage you to do so.  It will give you chills.



I have a backpack full of school books, an inbox full of work, a head full of notes to memorize and heart full of this song.   It's going to be an okay day!

A place for everything...

After a busy holiday season, I fell headfirst into a January that was both busy and grey, and lost all momentum in my blogging.  *sigh*

Life is kicking into high gear, and I'm trying more than ever to get into a good, solid routine.  I started a workout regimen with some online friends but lost my way about a week in.  Here's hoping my February redux takes hold a little better.

The big news of the month so far is my acceptance to graduate school, and the frantic realization that I am starting in TWO WEEKS.  I have so much to do before then, not the least of which is register for classes!  Thank goodness my mother has every important paper I'll ever need at her fingertips, or I might have been frozen out of the semester without proof of immunization.  That is a big deal at CUNY, it seems.  Financial aid is the other thing up in the air, but I'll know more about that after my talk with the financial aid office tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that I'm not too late for a loan!

The other exciting news is that organization seems to have taken hold in my apartment!  Trips to IKEA are a dangerous thing, but I managed to leave with only what I went for - a large, dark wood bookcase that would fit all my DVDs and a lot of overflow books.  I also took the opportunity to take my forlorn electric guitar out of its travel case and set it on display.  Here's hoping that it ends up guilting me into practice twice a week.  (Please note: the Rock Band drum set is more likely to catch our attention.  Not that there is anything wrong with that!  But I would like to master, or at least become proficient in, one real musical instrument.)

Sarah and I spent this afternoon putting together her purchase - a lovely dresser with a mirror attached - and we're both having bouts of early spring cleaning, tossing everything we haven't touched in years and pulling old clothes out of the closets for the giveaway pile.

February is going to be a pretty intense month for me, but I'm hoping to put in place some serious structure to keep me on track.  Working out, classes, studying, choral rehearsals, practicing my guitar, prepping one (sometimes two) meals a day to eat on the go - all of it will test my natural penchant for stillness and liassez-faire attitude.  Keep me in your thoughts, and don't be afraid to ask me how it's going.  I need your positive reinforcement as much as my own!

Christmas Revelations

It's the day after Christmas, and I have two thoughts.

1.  It's amazing how easy it is to buy gifts for my family.  Mostly, when I buy things for my parents, or my sister, there isn't any agonizing over what to get.  I see it, and I know they will like it.  Why?  Because I like it.  Because I would be happy if it were wrapped with my name on it.  I always thought that was kind of weirdly selfish, like I was buying them things (books, movies, games, sweaters) that I would evenutally be able to borrow, and maybe that made it less personal, less valuable.  But mostly what it means is that my family and I are a lot alike, no matter how different they each may be to each other.  I have pieces of my personality I share with my dad, my mom, my sister, good and bad and geeky and bookish and ridiculous.  It means we're connected in fundamental ways that have nothing to do with genetics.

2.  When you start to tear up a little because your dad and stepmom give you some money to help you pay down your debt so you can someday buy a home?  And you think there is nothing you would rather do in the world with that money?  That means you're officially a grownup.   When you and your mom both decide on small gifts because money is tight and you both stick to that, and you spend the day instead watching movies and looking at old family pictures and laughing while making dinner, and it's one of the best Christmases you've had in a long time?  That means you're officially a grownup.  Being a growup kind of rules.

Those are pretty nice Christmas revelations.